Fractured
by BlowMyHeartUp
Summary: Mikey and Raph are injured during a fight. There's something wrong. Why is everyone acting so weird now?
1. Prologue

Fractured

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_Disclaimer: I do not own TMNT_

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It had all been going great.

Obviously, nothing ever goes well if it seems too good to be true. There had only been a few of them at first but they must have called for backup because it seemed like they would never end. Waves upon waves of them appeared and went down, not before getting their lucky shots in though. Some of them were luckier than others.

The four brothers became exhausted. They hadn't expected those numbers – they hadn't even expected to fight that night. Leo wanted to retreat. They needed to retreat somehow. He had been thinking up a plan when Raph broke off from the team and disappeared.

Mikey looked around, confused. They'd been fighting as a kind of team until that point. Raph had been taking out any of Mikey's stragglers and Mikey had been taking down any of Raph's stragglers. They both had each other's backs. Then he was on his own. He could handle that, he just wished Raph would have given him the head's up.

Raph had spotted the hole that those cockroaches were spilling out of – the ally below. He'd made it down to the second level on the fire escape when he realised just how many of them there were. Their tactics seemed to be 'they can't go on forever.' Their numbers were way too great. Even if most of them were amateurs.

Nevertheless, Raph fought hard as usual. He'd gotten himself into the mess and he was going to get himself out of it if it was the last thing he did. He managed to fight his way down into the masses before they had the chance to take him on. He preferred to be the initiator in the fight and that night was the same.

The flow of ninja had been mostly cut off by Raph and Mikey found himself without any attackers. He glanced over at Leo and Don who were caught up in their own fights. There weren't many ninja left on the roof so he made his way over to the fire escape. Looking down, he nearly cried out. Raph was surrounded by so many of them he wondered how his brother was still alive.

"Mikey! Go back!" Raph warned. Mikey snorted. As if. He wasn't going to let Raph have all the glory this time. Raph's shouting alerted Leo.

"Mikey! Get back here right now!" he sounded desperate. Mikey didn't see the harm in it. They were going to have to get Raph out of it somehow. He hopped down and landed next to him, swinging his 'chucks and grinning like a maniac. His favourite style of fighting was as a team. Nothing like a good old night of bonding with your big brother.

Raph growled. Mikey shouldn't have joined in.

"Augh!"

Mikey swivelled around. Raph had dropped his sai and he was holding his left leg with a grimace on his face. That was the last thing he knew.

Donnie watched as one of the foot ninja managed to injure Raph's leg. He sank to the ground and fell on his side, blood pooling around him. Mikey turned to see what had happened. It happened in slow motion. One brother down, then another. Another ninja swung a Bo right on to Mikey's head and he crumpled on to the concrete. The remaining ninja vanished on command. Their mission complete.

"No!" Leo cried. When they reached Raph he was mumbling and his eyes were unfocused. The blood around him had spread over to Mikey. The wound in Raph's leg pumped out more and more of it uncontrollably as Leo tied his bandana around it tightly. Donnie checked Mikey. He was unconscious. Still breathing, still in one piece. He picked him up.

"I need Raph in the lab. Right now."

Leo had never heard his brother so serious.


	2. Chapter One

Chapter One

_Disclaimer: I do not own TMNT_

Mikey gripped his head, wincing. He noticed his bandana was missing. What happened? He wanted to believe that he had a huge hangover like a normal teenager. He laughed and immediately regretted it, groaning. Of course, they'd been fighting a bunch of ninja hadn't they? He hoped they won. They must have if he was lying in his room and not strapped to some table.

Actually, his bed felt weird. It was all scratchy and lumpy. His heart beat started pounding in his ears. He seriously did not want to be in some kind of Bishop lab right now. Carefully, he slid an eyelid open a tiny bit. Stupid bright lights. Why did medical people insist on having the worst combination of white walls and fluorescent lights? How was that supposed to help with a headache? He grinned. He could fix that with a bit of paint in no time if this was Donnie's lab. He'd just have to make sure Donnie wasn't around first...

He'd also have to make sure he could open both eyes without them burning out of his skull. Groaning, he decided to get it over and done with and blinked both eyes open. They started watering and squinting instantly. So now he could only see blurs. Great. Subconsciously, he realised that it was definitely Donnie's lab – he could smell eau de Donnie behind all the chemicals and medical supplies. So where was the genius? Why wasn't he attending to his poor, sick little brother?

"Mikey?" He all but jumped out of his shell. "It's me you idiot."

"Raph?" Mikey grinned. "Oh good, I thought you were some kind of villain come to torture me into giving away secret locations. I could totally take it though 'cause I'm the-"

"Don't. Even. Say. That." Raph growled. His voice sounded scratchier than usual. Mike sniffed dramatically, he must have been watching over him all night.

"Aww, Raph, you're such a good brother, watching over your little bro all night, like that," he feigned the weak croak in his voice. Raph snorted.

"I ain't in here for you, Mike. Got my leg cut up, remember?" Raph smirked. Mikey pouted.

"Yeah, well, you still stayed by my side all night," he mumbled.

"Trust me, I tried to get out. Don practically knocked me out to make me stay," Raph grinned. Mikey lifted his head off the pillows and sat up. Raph was propped up on his bed with what looked like a million bandages on his left thigh.

"Oh..." Mikey remembered now. He could remember the blood. "Um... you okay?"

"Peachy," Raph deadpanned. Mikey pulled his tongue out.

"Sorry for the concern. I'm doing just fine by the way. I might die from killer headache but it's nice to know that my brothers care about me enough to dump me in here with you. You're so sympathetic."

"Hey, sarcasms my thing, bro."

It was silent for a few minutes.

"So... uh, did you see what happened to me? Feels like a monster truck ran over my head."

"Oh yeah, I think Donnie said somethin' about usin' your brain too much," Raph grinned.

"Ha, ha, ha, my sides are splitting, Raph."

"Alright, one of 'em knocked you out while you were distracted," Raph growled. "You shoulda kept your eyes on them. I was fine."

"Didn't look fine to me, Raph. You're leg looked pretty messed up." Mikey winced at the memory. He hated blood. Especially when the blood belonged to one of his brothers.

"Yeah, well, it wasn't that bad, I'm fine now! I'm just sayin' that Bo coulda been a sword and right now you'd be dead and you wouldn't be botherin' me with your whinin'," Raph's voice rose as he spoke. Mikey felt slightly hurt but he knew Raph was just being protective as usual. When he got protective, he got angry. When he got angry, he didn't think about what he was saying or doing.

"Wow, Raph, was that your version of a Leo lecture?" Mikey laughed. The noise hurt his head and he stopped abruptly. Raph grumbled.

"I'm goin' to sleep." Raph closed his eyes and a few moments later he was breathing deeply. Mikey wondered how much energy that injury must have taken for him to just fall asleep like that. He didn't have much time to wonder, however, because Donnie had just walked in.

"Mikey? I heard you laughing... are you okay?"

Mikey gave Donnie the once over in shock. His brother looked frantic. He wasn't wearing his mask, his eyes were bloodshot and he looked like a flick would knock him out.

"Yeah, um, I was just talking to Raph but he fell asleep," Mikey answered. He tried not to look too worried for Donnie. He hated it when people worried about him, especially if you were the person with the injury. Donnie's eyes widened and he looked over to Raph's bed. He was still sleeping. Donnie looked back at Mikey and then at the door.

"Raph? He was... awake?" Donnie swallowed. Mikey nodded.

"Hey, are you okay, bro? We're both okay now so you should get some sleep or something."

"Both okay... I'm... I'm fine... it's..." Donnie shook his head. "It's breakfast time. I'll just check you over and then you can go. You should be fine."

His voice was cracking and Mikey swallowed. What was wrong with him? It was silent as Donnie checked Mikey over. He was fine. He helped Mikey up and after a few seconds he could walk in a straight line, unaided. Donnie sat down heavily in the chair next to the bed.

"Are you gonna have breakfast?" Mikey asked. Donnie shook his head, his eyes on Raph. Mikey hesitated. "Well... okay."

Donnie sighed as Mikey left. He really did need some sleep.

"Hey Leo!" Mikey grinned as he walked slowly into the kitchen. Leo was staring into his cereal bowl. His eyes snapped up to Mikey's. He hadn't heard him enter the room.

"Hey, that's Raph's bowl, bro, he's not gonna be happy about that, y'know," Mikey stuck his tongue out and looked at the pile of burnt toast.

"Ew, no offence Leo, but I'm gonna make my own breakfast, kay?" Leo just blinked at him. "Hey, I said no offence!"

"None... none taken, Mikey." Leo swallowed. "Are you... okay?"

"Great! I'll just ask Donnie for some meds but other than that, it's all good. You're a lot more sympathetic than Raph. That's why you're my favourite." He grinned, flashing his baby blues. Leo gulped and nodded.

"Has Raph... talked to you?" Leo asked. Mikey nodded.

"He woke up for a bit, but he's asleep again now." He answered. Leo nodded.

"Well, that's good. I think I'll just go and... check on him and Donnie."

"Yeah, Donnie didn't get much sleep. I think there's something wrong with him. You might wanna order him to bed or something."

"I'll do that, excuse me," Leo left, looking like a man on a mission. Mikey watched him leave with narrowed eyes and then shook his head.

"Huh, weirdos."

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_Sorry for the shortness so far. The next chapter should be longer :)_


	3. Chapter Two

Chapter Two

_Disclaimer: I do not own TMNT_

Mikey was making dinner. He was humming a song. It was out of tune. He'd called everyone to the kitchen a few moments ago. When he turned around Leo was sat at the table. Mikey hadn't heard him sit down which meant Leo was okay. It had been a week since the accident happened and now it seemed like everything was getting back to normal.

Leo was giving Raph the silent treatment for disobeying orders, Don was fixing stuff in his lab, Raph was complaining about his leg and how slow it made him. It had been a pretty deep cut so he'd been forbidden from any physical activity. In fact, Leo hadn't led a training session since it'd happened because he knew Raph would get annoyed at being left out and he wanted to avoid conflict while Splinter was away.

Splinter had gone away to see the Ancient One after Raph had healed enough for it not to be a huge threat to his health anymore. They were still waiting for his letter. April and Casey visited often. Raph and Casey missed beating up thugs together. Mikey grinned. His pasta was complete. He might not take much seriously, but food is a very serious matter and deserved love and attention.

He stuck his tongue out in concentration as he sprinkled an herb on top and then smiled.

"Ah, eet is done! C'est tres bien!" he drawled in his surfer's accent. Don snorted when he walked in. He still acted kind of weird when he was around his brothers. He sat down next to Leo and never said a word, just tucked into the pasta. Mikey poured a generous amount of kibble into Klunk's bowl and then sat down to eat his own meal.

"This is really good, Mikey," Leo smiled. Mikey was just about to answer when Raph hobbled in. He had a bad limp but he refused to have any help and the crutch Donnie and Mikey had found at the junkyard was completely out of the question for him – apparently he didn't need any help.

Raph pushed his food around on his plate. He hadn't had much of an appetite lately. Mikey coughed indignantly. Raph looked up at him. Mikey looked at Raph's plate. The red banded turtle snorted.

"It's great, Mike," he grumbled. Mikey nodded in satisfaction.

"So... I was thinking we could all go and see a movie soon or something... I really wanna see the new Harry Potter one. I know how excited when Leo finished the last book so I know you'll enjoy it and there's no way you can get out of it, mister, so don't even think about it!" he shot a glare at Leo who had just opened his mouth. The leader shut his mouth and the corner of it twitched. Mikey grinned.

"And Donnie... I know you don't like magic and there's no actual way it could ever exist and all that, but seriously, stop acting like a total Dursley – it's only a film! It's not like it's supposed to be real and weirder things have actually happened to us. Besides, that Emma Watson girl is hot! And she's clever too... in real life. She goes to a college. So you two would hit off right away, dude." Donnie choked on his pasta and Leo slapped his shell. The pasta landed in front of Raph's plate.

"Nice..." Raph frowned and set his fork down. Mikey turned to Raph and opened his mouth. "Spare me the speech, Mikey – I'll be there. Anythin' to get me outta this place for a few hours."

Mikey grinned but Leo had other ideas apparently.

"Mikey, I don't think it's a good idea for any of us to leave the lair. Not so early after it happened," Mikey opened his mouth to protest, "No, listen, you had a serious concussion, none of us have trained recently, so we'll probably be rusty, and Raph... Raph goes without saying."

Mikey looked at Raph's bandaged leg.

"Yeah, well, if he'd just use his crutch like a normal person..." Mikey grumbled and stuck his tongue out at Raph. Raph made a rude gesture. "Hey! Did you see that Leo?"

"You should have the movie night here," Don suggested quietly and suddenly. Mikey looked at Leo for approval. Leo sighed and deflated, there'd be no arguing now.

"Well, I really wanted to watch a new film but I guess an old one is fine..." Mikey smiled. Leo nodded. "Which film then Donnie?"

"Actually, I'll just leave it to you... to you three," he smiled. He stood, put his dish in the sink and left. They heard his lab door snap shut. Mikey groaned.

"He got away again!"

"He's busy, Mikey," Leo chuckled, slapping the back of his little brother's head. Raph got up and limped into the TV area. He'd need the head start. "He's fixing the stuff you keep breaking."

"Hey! Part of that was Raph's fault! He pushed me!"

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Fifteen minutes had gone since they'd got comfortable in front of the TVs and they still couldn't decide on which film to watch. Well, Mikey really wasn't giving them a choice. He kept coming up with reasons why he'd want to watch one and then the other and if either brother decided to butt in, he'd think of another. They were never going to get anywhere. Leo sighed and snatched the first movie he saw.

"There. I choose that one."

"Watched that one last time, Leo," Raph reminded. Mikey held up the one he'd been rooting for higher and Leo rolled his eyes.

"Fine we'll watch that one," Leo said, trying to hide a smile as Mikey hopped up and put the DVD in. The adverts came on. None of them could be bothered reaching for the remote and skipping them. They'd only move when they really needed to – when they needed to press play.

"So what's up with Donnie these days?" Raph asked, shifting so that his leg was more comfortable.

"Yeah, he's been acting weird. I mean, he's always looking at me like I have a third head or something," Mikey frowned.

"I can't say I've noticed," Leo dodged. Mikey pouted.

"C'mon, you can tell us... think of it as payback from never having movie nights," Mikey grinned, wiggling his invisible eyebrows.

"Guys, he's just stressed out from having so much work to do, that's all, you know how he gets," Leo replied. Raph and Mikey continued to stare at him. He sighed. "He's in his own world, just leave him alone."

"I reckon there's somethin' going on with Don. Probably has somethin' to do with me not acceptin' that stupid crutch. Leo's just actin' like that 'cause he knows Splinter ain't here to split up a fight if I start one. And we all know he can't stop me himself, busted leg or not," Raph reclined, looking smug.

"Ooh! Burn, Leo!"

"Whatever," Leo grumped. "Just press play."

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_Thanks to everyone who reviewed the last two chapters!_


	4. Chapter Three

Chapter Three

_Disclaimer: I do not own TMNT_

_Thank you so much for all the reviews I've had so far :)_

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Leo sighed as he read over Splinter's letter again. He had asked for guidance – he wasn't sure whether to begin training again so soon after the accident. They needed to start training again at some point but he didn't want to start new problems. He folded the letter and tucked it into the corner of his bedside table's drawer. He slid it shut and blew out the incense sticks. Splinter wanted training to resume as soon as possible and Leo knew that no more time could be wasted – it made them both uneasy. They couldn't afford to relax for so long. He left his bedroom for the kitchen, where he could smell Mikey's cooking.

He found that his brothers were already at the table and Mikey was serving up eggs and bacon. Leo psyched himself up. Donnie looked just as tired as he always did these days. He made a mental note to sneak up on the genius later and knock him out with something heavy. He didn't look fit enough to start training. No one can train properly without a good night's sleep.

"Morning, Leo," Don smiled.

"Donatello," Leo nodded and smiled. It didn't really reach his eyes. Now or never, "Guys, we need to start training again today."

"What? Today? But what about-?"

"What about nothing, Don." Leo sighed an edge of finality in his tone. Don's eyes were widening and Leo sighed.

"Raph, you'll have to wait a few more weeks," he muttered to his fried egg. Mikey sat down at the table confused. Raph growled.

"Oh yeah, Fearless? And why's that? I see no problem in me joinin' in. My legs healed up, I'm not even limpin' anymore!"

Leo ignored him and pushed his egg around on his plate, a gloomy frown on his face. Don coughed to clear his throat.

"Raph, we can't afford more injury. The blade sliced through muscle too... it... you lost so much blood... it's too... it's dangerous..." he gazed at the wall, "You need to sit it out for a bit – the muscle will still be healing."

"Oh yeah? Ya wanna know what I think?" Raph didn't wait for an answer, "I think ya just bitter 'bout the fact that I saved your sorry asses by fightin' off those ninjas and takin' a hit for the team. Ya don't want to see that I might actually have done somethin' right for a change!"

Mikey opened his mouth to speak but Raph beat him to it.

"Ya know what, forget it! I'll just go to my room and think about what I've done." He growled, smirking. He pushed away from the table with a loud scraping noise and headed up to his room. The door slammed.

"Nice one," Mikey frowned. He watched them eat in silence, ignoring him. "Hey!"

"What is it, Mikey?" Leo asked patiently. Mikey hated that tone of voice. It was the one Leo used when he was being condescending. He didn't need that tone of voice – not when he knew words like condescending, anyway.

"He's fine! He's been okay for days, Leo. He's right, you are just being bitter!" It wasn't often that Mikey shouted at Leo like this or even called him out on his decisions as the leader. Leo was surprised.

"I'm not _bitter, _Mikey. I'm... I'm disappointed," Leo didn't really know what he was if he was perfectly honest. Scared probably, "I've made my decision and its final. We're going to train and Raph is going to sit it out until Donnie says he's ready."

Mikey turned accusing eyes on Donnie. Unused to having such pressure on him, Donnie coughed and concentrated hard on his bacon as though it was some kind of science project. Ignore Mikey at all costs. He hated it when his only younger brother looked at him like that.

"Whatever," Mikey sighed, rolling his eyes.

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After a harder warm-up than usual Leo announced they'd be practising how to fight as a trio. Mikey was already working up a sweat. He was starting to regret sticking up for Raph and getting on Leo's bad side that morning. Leo was acting like some kind of psycho. He pushed them both harder and harder until he got the results he was expecting from them.

"Dude, we've been training since nine... its dinner now, bro," Mikey complained. He'd been complaining since the start but this time Leo seemed to really take it in. His eyes darted to the clock on the wall.

"You're dismissed," he breathed. Mikey whooped and bounced out of the room. Don sank to the floor to catch his breath and calm his dizzying head. "You need more sleep, Don."

"I know... it's just... I'm finding it hard, Leo," Don admitted. Leo sighed.

"Then stop worrying about it," Leo snapped, his voice cold. He left the room for the shower. Donnie stayed where he was on the floor and lost himself in his thoughts.

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"Knock, knock, bro, I'm comin' in whether you like it or not!" Mikey called in a sing song voice through Raph's door before barrelling inside. Raph was lying on his hammock throwing shuriken at the opposite wall. Mikey grinned cheekily. "Sorry if I'm interrupting your angst."

"Shut it, Mike," Raph groaned. He threw the last shuriken and then sat up to face his brother who was currently heading in the general direction of his magazine stash. A distraction was needed... now, "So uh... how did training go? You look dead on yer feet."

"Ugh... I am... I'm gonna be sore tomorrow, dude. I think I've a bruise... can you have a look? It's killing!" Mikey stuck his leg in front of Raph's face. He pushed the leg away.

"No," Raph pulled a face. "Geeze... at least have a shower first, Mike. You reek."

"Can't. Leo's in there," Mikey smiled. "So till then you're gonna have to put up with my manly body odour."

"Yeah... manly..." Raph snorted. Mikey could see the anger bubbling just below the surface. After all that had happened and how weird his brothers were acting, he so did not want to have to deal with an eruption from his hot-headed brother. He was actually surprised he'd lasted so long. He had an idea of what might make Raph feel better but he wasn't sure he should even suggest it. Then he thought about what Raph had said earlier. They were being bitter. Raph had saved them all that night and no one had showed him any thanks.

"Hey... you want me to ring Casey or something?" Mikey hinted, hoping Raph would get it. Amber eyes flicked up to his blue ones in shock. Mikey whined, "Hey, you're not the only rebel in this family, y'know."

"I was gonna ask you," Raph said as though he wanted to say it as fast as possible.

"What?" Mikey asked.

"Casey'd let something slip to Don next time he visits, the bonehead. I know you won't," Raph explained with a shrug. Mikey ignored the feeling of acceptance he had. He loved it when his older brothers respected him for something. Act cool.

"Sure! When do we go?" Mikey asked, eyes wide. He never got to go on one of these runs with Raph.

Raph mulled it over for a few seconds and then looked up, his amber eyes glowing, a smirk curving on to his face, he leaned forward. He looked like the cat that got the cream.

"Tonight."


	5. Chapter Four

Chapter Four

_Disclaimer: I do not own TMNT_

_Thanks to all my reviewers so far. You all make me smile :)_

Late that night, Raph and Mikey had managed to sneak out of the lair. That was an achievement in itself – sneaking out of a home consisting of a sleeping ninja and a wide awake genius-ninja is not easy. Luckily, they knew where the security cameras where so Donnie wouldn't see them and he'd be too pre-occupied to notice the almost silent shuffling as they left the lair. There'd been a good chance of Leo hearing them leave, though. Mikey was just glad Splinter wasn't around. He had no idea how Raph used to do it every night.

So now Mikey was racing Raph along the rooftops. They were taking it slow at first just in case but once they got a nice momentum going it became clear that Raph was fine. Mikey wasn't going to tell him out loud but he had a wide grin on his face. Clearly he had needed this tonight and the guilt for sneaking out started to ebb away.

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Donnie was hunched over his keyboard, typing like a madman as usual. Leo would kill him for staying up so late again but he didn't have much patience for Leo after that training session anyway. Who did he think he was, talking to him like that? They'd both agreed on what to do about this whole thing. Donnie never said it would be easy, he never said he liked how it had turned out, but Leo was acting like it was all his fault. It was at this moment that high pitched siren began to wail from his computer.

Don jumped out of his shell. He panicked, realising that his headphones weren't plugged in and the volume was kind of loud. He turned the volume down hastily but it was too late. Leo appeared in the doorway with both katana and nothing else, obviously having just raced to see who was invading their home. Don forced himself not to roll his eyes.

"Calm down, Leo, that's just the shell cell alarm," Donnie explained calmly. Leo lowered his katana looking annoyed.

"Well why's it going off?" His tone was monotonous and clipped. Don replied with his own cold tone.

"Why do you think?"

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It didn't take them long to find who they were looking for. Mikey could see Raph ready to go beside him. They'd been watching the Purple Dragons stealing for a few minutes now, planning their attack. Mikey would attack from inside the shop and Raph would attack from near the mouth of the alley so no one could escape. Mikey realised that this was all the planning Raph even needed and then he crouched down, ready to sneak into the shop from the fire escape and give them a nice surprise.

Raph nodded and Mikey set off into the shadows.

* * *

"We don't have time for this, Don, I need to know what's going on," Leo snapped. Don growled under his breath and pointed to the monitor, as if all the print on the screen made complete sense. Seeing Leo's perplexed expression, Don sighed.

"It means that Mikey decided to sneak off tonight, big brother. I installed them after the whole Nightwatcher phase Raph had, just in case. It's just there as a warning that whoever it is, is more than three miles away from the lair," Don grumbled. Leo's eyes widened.

"Where is he?"

"It isn't a tracker, Leo."

* * *

Mikey was in the shop. The Dragons were taking stuff out of the safe under the counter. He waited for a moment before leaping out from the shadows and taking the nearest one down. Level one, complete, he grinned. That was just the easy level though. Now all eyes were on him and he grinned, swinging his chucks.

"That ain't the red one!" one of them called out. Mikey didn't like that they thought he wasn't able to do what his brother did. He was a ninja too. And a pretty good one! "Get backup!" That was more like it.

Mikey advanced on the thugs as he heard shouting begin outside. Raph must have shown his face now too.

"Come and get it, losers," Mikey grinned as he took out another one with a kick to the chest. The guy's head smashed through a cabinet window. Mikey winced as the siren began to blast through the shop and into the street outside. They only had a few minutes before someone called the cops now. He fought harder and faster but it seemed like _he _was the one being backed into a corner, not the Dragons. He only hoped that didn't mean Raph had been hurt again.

* * *

"What do you mean it's not a tracker, Donnie?" Leo growled.

* * *

There were more of them now. They were all spilling into the shop from outside. What had happened to Raph? Where was he? That's when Mikey saw the form of a huge man. Probably as wide as he was tall. His voice growling threats through the darkness. Mikey gripped his chucks tighter. Then he ran and aimed straight for Hun. He needed to get passed him and get to Raph. Why had he agreed to this? Why had he even brought this up? He felt his heart sink. If Raph got hurt again tonight it would be his fault. His own stupid fault.

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"It's not a tracker because it's a separate piece of technology, Leonardo. I already have the location. Are you coming? We're wasting time," Don hissed. Leo watched as Donnie left the room, grabbing his Bo on the way out. Leo would have to leave his bandana in his room. He hurried out of the lab after Don. He'd talk to him later when they'd sorted this mess out.

* * *

As Mikey leapt over Hun, the giant's hand snapped out and he snatched Mikey by the ankle out of the air. Mikey came crashing down on to the ground with a howl of pain. He could barely hear their voices over the sirens and his vision had blurred. Hun kicked him in the stomach and the wind was completely knocked out of him. The next thing he knew he was raised in the air with Hun's hands wrapped around his neck. Where was Raph?

* * *

"I don't want a word to Mikey, understand, Leo? I know how you're feeling about this right now but you agreed," Don told Leo. His voice sounded more strong now than it had in weeks. He was completely serious. Leo didn't like it but he had to nod, his mouth a taunt line, as though holding something back. The rest of the journey flew by in silence.

* * *

Mikey looked around. All he could see was Purple Dragons. He still couldn't hear them properly. It was as though they were through a glass door, their voices muffled, his heart loud. He struggled desperately and swivelled his eyes around in every direction. He saw a flash of green outside the shop.

"Raph!" his voice gave out on him and he'd used the last of his breath. He only hoped Raph would take every single one of these guys out and get him home. Preferably before Leo or Donnie noticed they'd gone missing.

"Mikey!" He was coming. Mikey smiled. It was the last thing he heard before his eyes slid shut.


	6. Chapter Five

Chapter Five

_Thanks to all my readers and reviewers so far :)_

_Disclaimer: I do not own TMNT_

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"_Raph!" his voice gave out on him and he'd used the last of his breath. He only hoped Raph would take every single one of these guys and get him home. Preferably before Donnie or Leo noticed they were gone. _

"_Mikey!" He was coming. Mikey smiled. It was the last thing he heard before his eyes slid shut._

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_

"Here," Don pointed. It wasn't necessary. He put away the tracker. Purple Dragons were scurrying away like vermin and the alarm system in the shop was blaring. Various neighbours were peeking out from behind their apartment's curtains curiously. Another siren could now be heard above all the noise – the police had arrived. The reason the Dragons were fleeing. All but one.

"We need to get Mikey out. Now," Leo hissed. Don nodded and they descended into the shop silently. Leo stepped into the light, drawing a katana, while Donnie remained in the shadows. Hun growled when he saw Leo. He dropped Mikey who crumpled to the ground. He smirked and cracked his knuckles all at once. Don's eyes remained on Mikey. He had to get to him. Leo shared a glance with his genius brother for the tiniest moment. Leo would distract Hun.

"You," Hun grinned. Leo charged and swung his katana, which Hun dodged, effectively making sure Mikey wasn't in his line of vision. As soon as Leo made his move, Donnie swiftly moved over to his younger brother's side. He felt his pulse before checking his breath. It was hard to concentrate or hear very much with all the noise, but he could feel the slightest amount of air on his cheek as Mikey breathed. He was alive, but weak. Don picked up his brother, exited through the door and carried Mikey up the fire escape to the roof.

By this time, almost all of the Dragons had disappeared, only a few of them were being taken away in police cars. Most of the ones being arrested looked young and inexperienced. It wouldn't be long until one of them announced that their leader was currently still in the building. Leo would have to leave soon. He was interrupted from his thoughts when he heard Mikey groan.

"Mikey?" Donnie asked. Mikey gave a weak but cheeky smile and opened his eyes, thankful that it was night this time and no fluorescent lights could harm him.

"Am I in trouble?" he asked. His voice sounded like he'd swallowed sand paper. Bruises were appearing like ink blots around his neck where Hun's fingers had been. Donnie jumped into action, checking that Mikey wasn't hurt in any other way.

"Trouble? For sneaking out without permission? I don't think Leo would have a problem with that," Don smirked.

"Hey! It was Raph's idea! I just got pulled along for the ride. Good job you got here – I think Raph got hurt, too. Where is he? Does Leo have him?" Mikey asked. Don automatically looked to the shop. A police officer was entering the shop. He fought the urge to leap in and knock them out before they got to see Leo. The leader could take care of himself. He hoped.

"We need to talk about that, Mikey..." Don pondered on his words for a moment.

Raph growled. He was climbing up on to the roof, Leo right behind him.

"Raph! Leo!" Mikey grinned. His voice croaked and it was painful but he ignored it.

"Where's Hun?" Don asked. Leo growled.

"He escaped – the back door," he explained. Don rolled his eyes before turning to Mikey again.

"Does anything else hurt?" he asked, ignoring what he was going to say before. Mikey winced.

"My ribs. Hun threw me on the floor, touchdown," he complained. Don nodded, frowned and made a mental note to check it in the lab later on, once they got home.

"Come on, then," Don lifted Mikey to his feet and supported his brother on one side.

"Wait one minute, Don," Leo snapped. His voice had risen in volume. Don glared at Leo.

"Do you want to be caught? Wait till we're somewhere more private," he snarled. Mikey looked between them. Raph shrugged, slightly amused. Don hardly ever got like that these days so it was kind of funny when it did happen.

Leo lasted a full minute, once they were leaping on to the second roof. If possible, Mikey thought he looked even angrier without his mask on.

"What were you _thinking, _Michelangelo? You could have been killed! What was the thought process behind all this? Did you even _think? _Did you take even a few seconds to think that this was a bad idea?" Leo was furious. Mikey could tell this wasn't a time to joke around. He looked at the ground.

"It was Raph's idea, too, so I don't know why you're aiming this all at me. He goes out all the time," he muttered. It was hard to understand due to his injured throat but Leo heard it like a gunshot had just gone off right by his ear. He felt a bubble of anger rush to the surface and he couldn't stop himself. Don watched carefully, his eyes narrowing.

"This isn't about Raphael, Mikey! I'm talking to _you!" _Mikey saw Raph grin. He was getting out of this? How unfair was that? "You need to understand that-!"

"Leo!" Don barked. He gave Leo a glare and Leo practically roared in frustration.

"You know what? This is about Raphael. It always is about Raphael! Going out alone! Missing practises! Reckless behaviour! Doing things without thinking! Undermining me! Ignoring me! Fighting my every decision!" he listed off before sighing and speaking in normal tones again, "Disobeying direct orders. You're right Mikey, this is about Raphael. If it weren't for his influence you wouldn't be in this mess. If he'd set a better example you wouldn't think this kind of behaviour is okay. He should've known better."

"Leo-" Don moved towards him as Leo started moving towards the other edge of the roof.

"No, Don... I'll be home later. I need to speak with Raphael. Alone," his voice sounded on the verge of desperation. Don and Mikey watched him leave. Raph went screaming after him.

"Wow," Mikey grinned as they returned to the lair. "Do you reckon Leo's a bit stressed out?"

"It isn't funny, Mike," Don sighed. Mikey's smile grew smaller slightly before he laughed, slapping Don on the shell.

"You're all stressed! Lighten up, dude! C'mon let's put bets on how long this lecture's gonna be," he smiled. "I reckon two hours. Let's say... loser has to clean the winner's room for two weeks."

Don couldn't help the wry smile appearing on the corner of his mouth. "One hour tops. It's a deal."


	7. Chapter Six

Chapter Six

_Thanks to everyone who has reviewed/read or favourite so far. It means a lot to me!_

_Disclaimer: I do not own TMNT_

The next morning, Don was disappointed to see just a couple of cereal boxes on the kitchen table. Mikey usually made a big effort to make every meal different or at least varied. He ignored the upset feeling he had – he was being selfish. Mikey was injured, after all. He'd checked over Mikey's ribcage and thankfully it seemed as though nothing had broken – just bruised. He had no doubt that if Mikey were human, he'd have several broken ribs and probably a punctured lung too. He thanked any deities there were for the built in natural armour they'd been born with.

"Morning, Mikey," Don smiled. He sat down at the table, opposite his little brother. Mikey looked up from his own cereal. The milk had turned brown. It made Don feel slightly sick. How could anyone subject themselves to so much sugar and chocolate so early in the morning? He grabbed his coffee like a lifeline and smiled. He wasn't one to talk – his caffeine intake would probably give Mikey's sugar addiction a run for its money.

"Morning, bro," Mikey mumbled. His eyes looked heavy, like they were just waiting to droop shut. They looked odd on Mikey's face. They were usually seen gracing the faces of any one of his brothers. The only time Don recalled bags under his little brother's eyes was when he'd had a nightmare about Bishop the night after they were rescued from the Agent's lab. Donnie didn't want to push Mikey about what was bothering him. If he wanted to talk about it he'd do it in his own time. Asking Mikey about his problems was like locking down a high security vault and throwing away anything that could help re open it. Don sipped his coffee.

"Leo and Raph aren't back yet," Mikey commented. Don looked genuinely surprised.

"Really? That means neither of us won that bet then, huh?" he smiled. Mikey did not smile in return.

"Don, why didn't he save me?" Mikey asked suddenly. His blue eyes flashed with hurt .

"He did save you, Mike," Don frowned.

"Not Leo... I meant Raph! He was right there... and then he wasn't." Mikey sighed.

"Raph... disappeared?" Don asked. His voice rose to a level of real curiosity and Mike shifted uncomfortably.

"He never said what happened to him last night and he wasn't injured, so why didn't he save me?" Mikey rubbed at a dint in the table, his eyes fixed on the spot. Don recognised it as a nervous habit.

"Maybe... Mikey... I need to..." Donnie sighed. This new information Mikey had introduced gave the possibility that his little brother would heal alone. He didn't need prodding in the right direction as Leo kept suggesting. "He was probably fighting off his own Purple Dragon thugs and then the police came."

"But... Donnie... Raph must have seen Hun coming for me. He had to have been watching!" Mikey cried. "What happened to teamwork and looking out for each other, huh? When did that get less important?"

Don sighed. "Mikey I'm sure that Raph was pre-occupied somehow." He found it hard to talk to Mikey these days. He felt like he was spouting a constant lie. Mikey frowned, unhappy with the answer and ate his cereal which had now gone soggy.

* * *

Later that day, at around three o'clock, the door to their lair flew wide open and Mikey heard two sets of footsteps stomping inside. One of them jumped to the upper level and a door slammed – that would be Raph. Leo headed for the kitchen. Mikey could feel the tension and it was as strong as before. Don was practically hiding in the couch cushions now. Mikey wished everyone would stop acting this way and get back to normal. He grinned at Don.

"They came back together so does that mean Leo's lecture lasted twelve hours? Dude, that is pure torture," He laughed. Don didn't think it was funny apparently. Leo came out of the kitchen with a bottle of water, screwing the lid back on.

"Michelangelo, we need to chat. Alone," he looked at Don who gave him an urgent look. Leo's poker face didn't shift and Don reluctantly headed off to his lab. As soon as he'd disappeared, Leo's gaze shifted back to Mikey who suddenly felt slightly worried. Was he about to be lectured for twelve hours too? Surely Leo would need some sleep at some point, right? Leo grabbed him by the arm and marched him to the dojo.

"I need to know why you decided to go out last night," Leo sighed. It looked like it was taking up a lot of effort to keep calm. His eyes were slightly bloodshot and he still wasn't wearing his mask. Mikey frowned.

"We decided to go out because-"

"No!" Leo snapped. "I want to know why _you_ went out last night."

"Because Raph-"

"Raph has nothing to do with this, Mikey." Leo ground out through his teeth. He was trying desperately not to lose his patience but the lack of sleep and the events of the past week were catching up with him now.

"Raph has everything to do with it. I don't get it, Leo," Mikey pleaded. He hated being left in the dark when something was going on. He knew something was wrong here but he couldn't figure out what it was. "Raph always goes out on his own, Leo, I don't get why you're so angry this time. What makes it any different?"

"Raphael isn't healed." Leo growled out.

"How do you know? You haven't even talked to each other properly. Donnie checked his leg," Mikey asked raising his voice slightly. "He's been healed up for-"

"Did you see Donnie check on Raph?" Leo asked suddenly. Mikey laughed. Why would he watch Don check Raph for injuries?

"No... why? Don't you believe Donnie?"

"I don't believe Donnie because I know for a fact that he hasn't checked on Raphael since the night it happened."

"Well he did – Raph told me that Don had checked on him like every day since it happened and-"

"No he _hasn't, _Michelangelo!" Leo raised his voice to match Mikey's. Mikey growled.

"You're being and idiot, Leo. You've acted like a jerk to him ever since that night! Yeah, he disobeyed your orders, but whatever! He always does. You're acting like this is a big deal! You're making drama out of nothing!"

"No I'm not!" Leo yelled. Mikey continued.

"You're even annoying Donnie, Leo! You're ignoring the fact that everyone's okay and nothing happened, and you're ignoring that Raph has healed because you're bitter! You want to make him look like he was in the wrong, when really he saved us all! You're the problem, Leo!"

"Oh? I'm the problem am I?" Leo asked, dryly. "Yeah that makes a lot of sense. When Raphael decided to go alone in that fight it almost cost us _two _lives, Mikey! You could have died and then what would Donnie and I have done?"

"I wouldn't have died, because we were working as a team!"

"The fact that you did something so stupid doesn't get cancelled out when you mention the word team! Where was he last night when you needed rescuing?"

Mikey sighed. He calmed down slightly. Leo still looked crazy.

"He didn't have my back last night, Leo, I-"

Leo growled and felt all the anger from the past few weeks shoot through his veins. "That's because he wasn't there!"

"Yeah he was. Donnie said he must have been pre-occupied with-"

"No! Mikey I've had it with all this! I can't stand it anymore. I tried to do what Donnie said and it's not working. Raph wasn't_ there."_

"Ugh! I can't deal with you right now, Leo. Talk to me when you've decided to say sorry or something. I'm gonna go and see Raph."

"You can't go and see Raphael! He isn't in his room, he isn't even in the lair! He died! He finally did something so reckless that he got himself killed! He isn't here! It's in your head! He's dead, Mikey!"


	8. Chapter Seven

Chapter Seven

_The feedback from the last chapter was amazing! Thanks everyone! I'm really sorry this has taken longer than usual. I've had a stressful week. I have the weekend to make it up to you all though, hopefully :)_

_Disclaimer: I do not own TMNT_

Mikey was laughing. Really laughing. He'd thrown his head back and his shoulders were heaving up and down uncontrollably, but the sound wasn't right. It was hollow and it didn't sound like he found the situation funny at all, but still he laughed. Leo was taken aback by this behaviour and he found that it made him even angrier than before. Nothing was getting through. His hands curled into fists as he waited for his little brother to stop. Mikey turned back to face Leo again, his face still twisted into half a smile.

"You're crazy, Leo, what is this? Some kind of new tactic?"

"What? Mikey, I'm telling the truth! Why would I lie about something like that?"

"Dude, it's a sick joke," he shoved past Leo who looked about ready to blow again. Mikey marched straight through the TV area, passing Donnie's lab. Don poked his head out as his little brother stomped by. "You might wanna do some kind of psychoanalysis on Leonardo, Don. He's mentally unstable. I'm going to see Raph."

Don looked confused as he watched Mikey disappear upstairs to Raph's room. The door slammed. Leo appeared from the dojo and they locked eyes with each other. In that moment, Donnie understood and frowned at Leo.

"Don, he needed-"

"He needed to realise on his own, Leonardo, like we agreed," Don ground out through clenched teeth. He opened his mouth to yell when he shook his head and turned towards the stairs, leaving Leo waiting furiously downstairs. Don silently proceeded towards Raphael's room. He hesitated outside the door and listened.

"I think it's some kinda new tactic he's using – like if you make one mistake you die, and now you have to act like it actually happened, kind of thing. It's messed up, Raph. You need to talk to him," Mikey paused and Donatello strained his hearing. Standing outside the door and hearing Mikey talking so normally to Raph felt as though he might hear a reply after all. No reply came.

"He will listen to you, Raph!" Mikey cried out angrily. Another gap in the conversation where Raphael's voice would have been. Donnie could imagine the exact pitch, the accent, the way it sounded more and more aggravated when dealing with Mikey.

"I don't even care, bro. You're gonna fix whatever got into his head the night it happened. I'm so sick of everyone acting like idiots!" Mikey shouted. Before Don could realise it, Mikey had stormed out of the room and marched straight past him. He couldn't remember the last time Mikey had gotten so mad. He had his moments but they were few and far between. When it did happen he had anger issues that could have rivalled Raphael's.

Don heard the shouting begin downstairs. He sighed and ran a hand across his forehead, a headache forming. How was he going to make Mikey understand what had happened? How was he going to reverse Leo's outburst? How was he going to calm Leo down? How was he going to make this whole situation better? He opened his eyes, dulling out his brother's shouts and pushed Raph's door open a crack.

It had been left as it had been the night they'd gone out. Of course, Mikey had been in there and moved some stuff around, but the idea was to keep it looking like Raphael's room. It needed to look disorganized. It needed to have the various sharp weapons sticking out from the wall where he'd thrown them in anger. It needed to have the posters half falling down. It needed the weights left in the middle of the room – a perfect death trap for anyone not looking where they were going. It needed to have the blankets hanging halfway over the hammock like it was.

Carefully, Donnie pushed the door open more. He knew what the result would be – a messy but empty room. Yet still he tried to conjure up a way to make himself see Raph in there, hear him snapping and yelling at him to go away. Heaving a heavy sigh he pushed the door fully open. No one. Of course, he'd known that already. He just got hopeful sometimes when he could hear Mikey talking to him. At first his mind jumped to conclusions of ghosts and spirits, maybe even an angel. He'd laughed at that. Raph would have hated the thought of being an angel.

His rational mind had shot those ideas down almost right away. He'd done his research. Schizophrenia had stood out but he'd also read that sometimes the memory of loved ones feels extremely real. People had reported seeing images of their dead husbands, wives, children, even pets, a few days after their deaths. It was actually very common, yet people didn't like to admit it for fear they would be called insane. Eventually it would end after a few months and that was when Donnie had planned to break it to Mikey gently.

He was broke out of his thoughts by a crash. He jumped into action, propelling himself off the balcony and landing in the TV room. His brothers weren't there. The dojo. He hurried in to find his little brother tackling his oldest... older – he mentally corrected himself - brother to the floor. His eyes widened. The two rolled and battled for the right to be giving out punches rather than receiving them. He couldn't even remember Leo ever fighting like this. It was like training had never even happened. It was a street fight. Raw emotion.

He was also shocked to see that Mikey seemed to have the upper hand. They were shouting at each other but Donnie wasn't hearing it. Was this what his decision had come to? Had he torn apart what was left of his family? He jumped in to stop it. He wrestled Mikey from Leo. Both had various cuts and developing bruises. Leo's lip had bust and Mikey's eye looked bad. Leo flipped from the floor and Mikey struggled in Donnie's grip.

"Where is he, Michelangelo?" Leo asked. His eyes flashed angrily. Mikey smirked and pointed to the wall. Donnie stared at the spot. He wanted to believe something was there. He wanted to believe Raphael's spirit was right there.

"I'm going to show you, once and for all, Mike. He died. If you won't believe my words maybe you'll believe this," Leo growled. He took out a katana. Don's eyes widened. Leo was completely blind with rage at this point – his stress and mourning coming out in one movement. The katana flew towards the wall and with a sickening crunch it planted itself in the wall. Mikey let out a strangled cry and Don let go of him.

He looked at Leo. Leo looked at him. Almost immediately, Donnie could see the guilt and horror on his brother's face.

Mike stumbled towards the katana looking lost. His eyes darted around looking for any sign of Raph. He hadn't dodged it – the katana had gone straight for him. So where was he?

Raphael had gone.


	9. Chapter Eight

Chapter Eight

_Thanks for all my reviews so far :)_

_Disclaimer: I do not own TMNT_

Don was facing the TV screen. It wasn't on, he wasn't even aware he was staring. The only sounds in the whole lair now were the dripping of water from a faucet that needed fixing in the kitchen and the buzzing of a computer from his lab. Mikey occasionally shifted in his sleep on the couch. Donnie wasn't looking at his brother though, so he didn't notice the frown lines on Mikey's face as he dreamed.

It was four o'clock in the morning and Leo had left hours ago. He was 'doing a Raph' as Mikey might have put it once. Don had explained everything to Mikey. Every last detail adding salt to their wounds. He'd wanted to stop, take a break, then explain some more but it would be cruel to drag it out, leave it on some cliff-hanger while he went away to grab a snack. No, Mikey had deserved to know the truth from the start.

Don had seen the hurt in his Mikey's eyes when he'd explained that Raph had died so long ago. A month ago, when he'd been slashed by a lucky katana strike to his thigh. Raph had died that night and Mikey could still see him, hear him _speak _with him when he'd woken up. They even argued... fought... like they usually did. The first week had been tough – the whole month had been tough – but that first week had been too much for Don. He'd mourned Raph's death, of course. He and Leo had the night he died. The process didn't end after crying and planning what to do about the body for one night though.

Grief was like a safety precaution. It was like a seatbelt. If you didn't put one on the chances are that sometime down the line you're going to crash straight through that windshield. You'll be destroyed. If you wore it though, if you followed procedures, at least you would come away alive and heal. Leo and Don hadn't grieved. It seemed that Leo was doing okay at first. That first week that had been so hard on the genius seemed to be a breeze for the leader.

Donnie had spent most days and nights in his lab. He was terrified to come out. Scared to see that Raphael really _wasn't there _anymore. And he never would be again. Seventeen short years. It had seemed a lot before. It was in perspective now. Seventeen was short. Far too short for anyone. He'd known the facts – seventeen years was only around 6205 days. It had taken someone close for him to really understand how short that really was.

He swallowed, feeling the all too familiar lump in his throat. It seemed like it had been there for the past month. It was like it was begging him to let it all out. Could he do it now, while Mikey was asleep? Could he mourn and grieve now, knowing that Mike wouldn't find it suspicious. He knew what was going on now. He'd gotten his wish. Don closed his eyes and a tear leaked from his eye into the fabric of his bandana.

* * *

_It had all been going great. Obviously, nothing ever goes well if it seems too good to be true._

_They hadn't expected those numbers – they hadn't even expected to fight that night._

_Raph broke off from the team and disappeared. _

_Their tactics seemed to be 'they can't go on forever.'_

_Raph was surrounded by so many of them Mikey wondered how his brother was still alive. _

"_Mikey! Go back!" _

_He wasn't going to let Raph have all the glory this time._

"_Mikey! Get back here right now!"_

_Mikey didn't see the harm in it. _

_They were going to have to get Raph out of it somehow. _

_Nothing like a good old night of bonding with your big brother._

_Raph growled. Mikey shouldn't have joined in._

_Raph had dropped his sai and he was holding his left leg with a grimace on his face._

_

* * *

_

Mikey woke up with a start. That had been the point when he'd been knocked unconscious. Don had explained what had happened next. It made his stomach turn even thinking about that. Mikey looked towards the chair his older brother sat in. Donnie was awake, his eyes staring dead ahead at the TV set. Then he closed them, seemingly not even realising that Mikey was awake. It didn't look like Don was asleep. No, he wasn't. His eyes opened again.

* * *

Mikey closed his eyes again. He hated this.

_Raph sank to the ground and fell on his side, blood pooling around him._

_One brother down, then another._

_Another ninja swung a Bo right on to Mikey's head and he crumpled on to the concrete. _

_The remaining ninja vanished on command. Their mission complete._

"_No!"_

_When they reached Raph he was mumbling and his eyes were unfocused._

_The blood around him had spread over to Mikey._

_The wound in Raph's leg pumped out more and more of it uncontrollably as Leo tied his bandana around it tightly. Donnie checked Mikey. He was unconscious. Still breathing, still in one piece. He picked him up. _

"_I need Raph in the lab. Right now." _

_Leo had never heard his brother so serious. Don had already passed by with Mikey by the time Leo snapped into action. Time was precious. Very, very precious. That much he could tell. He carefully picked Raphael up. It should have been easy enough, even if Raph was heavier than Leo. That didn't mean Leo was too weak to carry him. It was the situation that made him weaker than usual. He followed Donnie. _

_It seemed like a century later when they reached the lair. Leo had carried Raph into the lab and laid him on the 'sick bed.' Leo had the feeling Raph was more than just sick this time. He'd gone to the TV area where Don had put Mikey on the couch. _

_Don was frantic. The blood spilled across the floor. He was wrapping the wound in thick bandages, stemming the flow. Too much was gone already. Half of it covered Mikey, they hadn't even bothered to clean up what was left on the concrete. Someone could test it, find out it isn't human. It could raise complications but that wasn't their main problem._

_The main problem was that Don couldn't do anything else. He could stop the blood flow, he could make sure Raph was comfortable, be there for him when... if he woke up. Raph was unconscious. His head turned at a strange angle. Don had been too pre-occupied with his leg to notice how uncomfortable his brother looked. He carefully moved Raph to a better position on the bed. He sat back. He was restless. What could he do now? Did he really just have to wait? Wait for what?_

_It was at that point when Leo walked in, guiding Mikey. He was awake. Don could have laughed as he checked Mikey over. One brother was safe. He would make it without a doubt. Splinter had followed after them. He'd known since the moment it happened. He'd felt it._

"_Don... what's up with Raph?" Don didn't answer. He set up another bed for Mikey and sat him down on it. He asked Leo to keep checking Raph's pulse and report any changes. Leo kept his hand at Raph's wrist. He didn't want to risk it changing while he wasn't checking._

"_Donnie...?" Mikey asked. His blue eyes were large. He'd figured it out – of course he had – he wasn't a baby after all. His eyes were getting heavier though. Donnie laid him down on the bed. Mike couldn't stay awake. He kept flickering between sleep and watching Raph grow paler._

"_I can't do anything," Donnie choked angrily. Leo turned to look at Don and nodded. _

"_It's slowing," he muttered sadly. His eyes returned to Raphael. Mikey held Don's arm in a tight grip. Don barely felt it as he automatically placed a hand on top of his brother's hand. _

_Leo turned to look at Don and Mike. He didn't need to say anything as he took his hand away from Raph's wrist. It hung over the edge of the bed. Over the sea of blood he'd spilt. _

_They'd kept Mike awake for a while as they cleaned him up and got rid of the blood. It was all done in a shocked silence. Raph's body was still lying in the lab. Splinter was watching over it silently._

_Don had guided Mikey back to the bed he'd set up. When Mike would wake up again the next morning he'd have erased the night from his memory and created a fabrication of Raphael. A figment of his imagination, a hallucination, an illusion – not Raphael. _

_When Don found out that Mikey was still seeing Raphael, even talking to him, he'd been astonished. He needed a plan. He couldn't let Mikey crumble under this. He knew that making Mike see the truth would be a bad idea. This was his mind's defence mechanism and it needed to fade out on its own. He only hoped it eventually would. Raph's body had been in the TV room, in a coffin already. Don had built it that night. He'd poured his heart, soul and tears into making it and hadn't slept at all that night._

_Don explained to Leo and Splinter what had happened. They agreed that Splinter would leave for the farmhouse with Raph's body with Casey and April. They'd already planned to do this but as a whole family and not separated. So Casey and April had taken Splinter and the body away. April had been in tears and Casey was keeping it together just about. Mainly for her. They would pretend Splinter had gone to see the Ancient One. _

"_I can't do this, Leo!" Don had screamed during that first week. Mikey had gone to bed and so had 'Raph.'_

"_It was your idea, Don, you need to stick with it. It's hard right now, but you need to remember that you know what you're talking about. We trust you," Leo had replied calmly. He'd mourned in private but he'd not shown much distress earlier on in the process. No, his distress piled up inside him until it burst out of him violently. _

_

* * *

_

Trust? They trusted him? Don snorted and opened his eyes to stare at the TV screen once again. If Leo trusted Don he wouldn't have directly gone against the idea by forcing Mikey to see. He glanced at Mike. He was still sleeping. Good. At least one of them would. Leo hadn't slept for two days now and Don was closing in on one day. He planned to give Leo a piece of his mind before the leader could even think about sleeping.

He couldn't dislodge the image of Mike's heartbroken face. The shock had dulled his eyes, made them look blank and unseeing. His mouth turned downwards in an unfamiliar frown. The little crease between his eyes showed he was trying to understand what had happened.

Maybe it was all Don's fault for letting Mikey continue the delusion for so long, maybe it was Leo's for going against their plan.

All he knew was that Leonardo had better get back home soon. Don could then finally release some of the emotions he'd been holding in.


	10. Chapter Nine

Chapter Nine

_Thank you very much for all the reviews so far! I hope you're all still enjoying this!_

_Disclaimer: I do not own TMNT_

Leo flew along the rooftops. The bitter wind whipped past him as he leapt from one building to the next with ease. He needed to clear his head. No, what he really needed was some kind of time machine. He wondered if his brothers would ever see him in the same light ever again. There was only one person who couldn't judge Leo for what had happened that night. Ironically, he would have been the first to judge, had he still been alive.

The tears streamed backwards along his cheeks, some from the cold, others from the emotion. The wind roared in his ears. None of it could silence what had just happened. The tears didn't wash away the memories of seeing his little brother's face as it shifted into pure horror. The look a person might give a murderer, a cold blooded killer. Even worse, the look someone might give a person who'd just killed his own brother. The wind didn't quieten Michelangelo's cry.

He'd let the rational side of his mind take over. He wasn't good at seeing things like Mikey and Raph did. He and Don channelled logic more than emotion. Leo knew that in no way the fact that Mikey was ruled by emotions made him any less of a person. It didn't make him a cry-baby, in fact it was the opposite. Mikey was the best at keeping his emotions in check, keeping a positive outlook on the world, no matter how many bad things had happened to them.

Raphael was a prime example of how being led by emotions could make a person strong. Raph had been stronger than Leo had ever cared to notice. Sure, he'd been the strongest physically and that much was obvious by looking at them in comparison. What Leo had never appreciated was how strong his little brother's beliefs had been. How much he'd protected and fought for the City and his family. The people of New York would never know how much Hamato Raphael had done for its streets every night, but at least his family would know. They'd always remember every time Raph had stepped in to take an injury for them, how many times he'd jump into a fight, no questions asked. Rather him attack them, than them attack his family, right?

Leo growled to himself. What had been the point in anything Raphael had ever done for them if he was to go and tear the family apart a few weeks after his death? He'd wondered if it was just the rare situation it had put them in, but he couldn't blame it on that. Had Raphael have died and Mikey grieved normally and not seen this illusion of his brother, Leo still would have bottled his emotions up. It was what he did. Sensei had told him a million times that showing emotion was not a weakness, and yet Leo was still uncomfortable expressing himself that way.

That was what he needed. He needed to release his emotions before they took control. How had it taken something like this to make him realise that? It was so simple, yet Leo found it so hard to give his emotion free reign. Don had once told him about autism. Apparently, everyone in the world can find themselves somewhere along the spectrum of the disorder. Don admitted his probably came from the fact he was abnormally intelligent. Leo had thought it funny that his brainy brother had admitted that. He was usually so modest. Leo's symptom would be that he found it difficult to understand different emotions. Once again he'd fallen back on the excuse of being the Leader to try to cope with his difficulty in understanding what he was feeling. His brothers needed a big brother, not a dictator.

"I'm so sorry," Leo muttered to the wind. It answered by slapping his bandana tails against his skin painfully. He'd reached his destination. It was a rooftop that he and Raph had once spent some time together. It was just after their fifteenth birthday, the year that Sensei had let them start fighting and announced them ready. He and Raph had gone topside quite a lot in the aftermath of that decision, just because they could, not really to fight or look for trouble. It made Leo feel closer to him. It wasn't his grave, which was at the farmhouse, but this would do.

He sighed, shifting uncomfortably. He'd decided he needed someone to talk to. Someone who could listen with no judgement, but what if Raphael really was still out there somewhere? Was he a spirit watching over his broken family? What would he think of what Leo had just done? He found that those thoughts made him feel absurdly defensive, as though he had the right to ever defend what he'd done. Where could he start with this? He wished he could see Mikey's hallucination of Raph. It might make talking easier. He smiled. He could give his imagination a go.

He concentrated on his little brother's mannerisms, his voice, his facial expressions. He sat down next to the edge of the building and imagined feeling Raphael's presence behind him.

"_What the hell did you think you were doin' Fearless?" _

Leo winced. He didn't want this to turn into an argument. He opened his mouth to reply to the voice which only he could hear, created from memories.

"I... I don't know, Raph," Leo replied softly. He winced, waiting for an onslaught of aggression.

"_I don't know ain't good enough, Leonardo," _Leo imagined the way he'd walk closer till he was stood right by him. Looking down with a sneer. He closed his eyes so that it felt as though Raph was truly there and he couldn't see the reality.

"I'm sorry, Raph," Leo gulped. He felt bile crawling up from his stomach, "I'm so sorry."

Raph made a snorting sound and sat down next to him. He was looking over into the alleyway and he had his arms resting on his legs, leaning over in that way that had always made Leo's stomach flip.

"Don't do that," Leo chastised without thinking.

"_Are ya serious? Yer lecturin' me now? Really?" _Leo breathed deeply, trying to ignore that feeling at the back of his eyes and in his throat.

"You were always so strong." Leo breathed. "You shouldn't have gone into that alley... I... I told you... you should have listened."

"_And where would that have got us, huh? We were outnumbered, Leo. There were too many of 'em. I hadda do somethin'. If I hadn't have stepped up, we'd all be in a worse mess right now, ever think about that?"_

"We could have handled it. If you'd just waited. We could have done it. You'd still be here! I told you to wait! Why don't you ever listen?" Leo's voice grew louder and louder. If he'd only waited for more orders.

"_How do you know that when a guy dies they don't get to see the alternatives, huh? What woulda happened if I didn't jump in right then? What if I told ya, that Mikey died? Donnie? What if I told ya we all died? Could you live with yerself then?"_

"I didn't ask for you to play the martyr, Raphael. I asked for you to follow orders," Leo frowned. His voice had begun to get too quiet, twisted with emotions. This was the voice he avoided, no one listens to a person when they're emotions are screwed up.

"_If I'd have followed orders, Splinter'd be alone right now. Think about that one, teacher's pet."_

Leo frowned, concentrating hard. "We would have been better off dead. I've ruined everything. They'll never recover from this. Mikey... Oh, God, what have I done?"

Raphael didn't answer. Leo shifted uncomfortably as he felt the first tear squeeze its way out. He held the rest back.

"They'll never want to see me again. I'll have to leave," Leo pulled his legs in to stand up.

"_You're not goin' anywhere." _Raph was holding his arm in a vice grip. _"Ya leave now, I'll never forgive you."_

Leo gulped thickly. "Raph, I've... they're going to be... I can't face them... what if-?"

"_What if nothin' bro. This is your job. You're the leader, the big brother. Hell if I let you leave now. Yer gonna go back to the lair and set things straight. Think of it as some kinda belated last request. You don't do this for me, you ain't never gettin' my forgiveness. You do it, I'll forgive ya, maybe I'll let ya take the cloud next door to me up in heaven, or wherever it is ya think I am right now." _He snorted and his vice grip faded away.

"I can't do it," Leo whispered. His eyelids fought the tears back into his skull painfully, the lump in his throat threatening to explode if he left it there any longer. He couldn't do it. He wasn't strong enough. Emotionally. He didn't understand. He needed to be someone who could listen, someone to understand what his brothers were going through. It felt impossible to him. He'd rather face the Foot alone again.

He growled angrily. "Raph..." Leo paused, thinking of the words he wanted, "I need you..."

Silence.

"Why'd you leave me?"

Silence.

"I can't do this alone. I need you there. I need your strength."

Silence.

Leo realised that his concentration was shot. He couldn't concentrate on two things at once. He could either have the memory of Raphael to keep him company or he could have his emotions. His emotions were winning. His mourning was quiet. He hardly made any noise but the agony was clear.

He'd take as long as he needed to clear his head. Then he'd go back to the lair. Back to his family. The ones that needed him the most, although they might not think that anymore. He had to try.

Raphael wouldn't forgive him until he put things right. He'd made that much crystal clear. He hoped that once everything was set straight, he'd be able to hear Raph's voice again if he wanted to.

Raph was going to judge him. Of course, he was. When had he not? This time though, this time it really mattered. If he didn't sort it out now, there would be no forgiveness. Leo had always been the master of the silent treatment when Raph had done something he thought unforgiveable. He tried one last time to reach out to the memories. It was useless for now.

The silence did all the talking.


End file.
